Meet The Wrangler Meet The Guys

Don’t let the sight of Cousin Bill melted into his camper lounge chair fool you because this three-man dream team operates at peak tactical efficiency. While Bill stares blankly at the smartphone he legally and spiritually claims doesn't exist—feel free to spam 772-913-4467 to test his dedication to the lie—he is actually orchestrating a high-stakes, hyper-focused surveillance operation.

While Caleb and David act as the high-horsepower engines doing the heavy lifting, Senior Wrangler Bill serves as the Ranch's highly stationary steering wheel. He relies on the soothing power of a single, ice-cold afternoon beverage just to keep his overprotective anxiety in check, fretting over 1,200-pound stallions like a neurotic helicopter mother with her firstborn child. He may look completely immobile and probably radiates a silent-but-deadly flatulent aura that violates local emissions laws, but behind those relaxed eyes lies 40-plus years of raw Equine genius. Caleb and Dave provide the muscle, but Bill is endlessly obsessing over whether a horse sneezed in the wrong key, ensuring this chaotic trio keeps the entire ranch from collapsing by the sheer power of teamwork and unblinking stares.

If you choose to board your 1,200-pound financial disaster with us, below is the mandatory checklist required to secure their five-star dirt suite..                                 Coggins Test                                The 7-Month Rule: This paperwork must be under 7 months old.. If the date on the paper is older than 7 months, we assume your horse has spent the interim time licking rusty nails and hanging out with questionable mosquitoes.                     NO Tack Room Welcome to our elite VIP Asset Protection Program, where our total lack of a tack room is actually a masterclass in high-security gear defense.                                                               Ambulance" Policy.              We love your horse. We do not love administrative chaos during a medical crisis. Please read these rules carefully, as we will not repeat them when you are panicking:                             Our House Vet: McCleery (352-214-3875) They specialize in horses and actually own a working vehicle.  You must be registered with them or your own vet before the emergency happens. We do not chauffeur horses to the veterinary hospital. If you use an outside vet, make sure they know how to drive to Our Ranch.  No pre-registration means we will literally refuse service. Put your credit card on file with your vet OR. Mc Cleery If they can't charge your card instantly, You have put your horse in jeopard                                           WARNING: Free- Range Children & Ranch Liability

Unattended children will be immediately drafted into the ranch workforce.

• The Career Path: They will receive a rusty shovel By Caleb and a cracked 5-gallon bucket By Dave.   

• The Duties: Professional manure management begins the second you lose sight of them.

• The Perks: They will learn a colorful new vocabulary from the Head Wrangler Bill. With Ranch Hands Dave and Caleb chipping in.

• The Physics: Horses weigh 1,200 pounds, spook at plastic bags, and cannot read your parenting blog.

• The Legal Reality: Our attorneys at Fugate & Fugate in Williston love a good lawsuit, but they cannot legally glue your child's crushed feet back onto their ankles.

• The Mandatory Buzzkill (Florida Statute 773.04): "WARNING: Under Florida law, an equine activity sponsor or equine professional is not liable for an injury to, or the death of, a participant in equine activities resulting from the inherent risks of equine activities."

• The Translation: The law explicitly agrees that horses are giant, chaotic force-fields of risk, and if your kid wanders into their kicking zone, the state of Florida considers that's a "you problem."

• The Policy: If we have to babysit, your child will be fed strictly Red Bull and loose hay.

Please maintain physical custody of your offspring. The horses are here to work, not to compensate for your lack of supervision.